The Nine Lives Series - The Leader

The Leader: You Are Not Waiting to Become One. You Are Waiting for Permission to Act Like One.

By Dana L. Cox | Executive Coach, TEDx Speaker, Author

You are sitting in the meeting where the real decisions get made. Not the update meeting. Not the project check-in. The one where direction gets decided. The conversation is moving quickly. Strategy. Tradeoffs. Resources. Everyone in the room is trying to figure out what the next move should be. And you know the answer.

You have been close to the work long enough to see what is actually happening. You can see where the numbers are misleading the room. You can see the assumption everyone is making that will create problems later. You even start to say something. But then you pause. Because technically this is not your call. So you wait.

You let the conversation keep moving, assuming someone else will eventually say what you are thinking. No one does. The decision gets made anyway. Later that afternoon, someone says, “I wish we had thought about that earlier.” You do not say that you did. You just go back to work.

You tell yourself it was not the right moment.

Maybe when I have the title it will be easier to speak up. Maybe once I’m officially in the role I will have more authority. Maybe I need to wait until it’s officially my call.

It feels like patience. It is also the reason the title keeps not arriving.

The problem is that you are still behaving like someone who is waiting to be chosen. The title doesn’t create authority. It confirms the authority the room already sees. Every room is watching how you show up. Not just what you know. What you claim. What you challenge. What you are willing to say out loud. And every time you hold back, you teach the room something about how you see yourself.

The Lie About How Leadership Works

The lie is that leadership is granted. Women are taught to wait their turn. Prove themselves first. Earn the right to lead. That the title is the starting line. But that is not how organizations actually make promotion decisions.

The title follows the behavior. It almost never precedes it.

Which means every time you wait for the title to give you permission, you are using a strategy that works against the very thing you are waiting for.

What I Tell Women When They Are Sitting Across From Me

Leadership is not a title. Leadership is a posture. It is how you frame problems. How you make decisions. How you claim authority in a room. How you speak about outcomes instead of tasks. The woman who sits across from me and says she is not ready to lead is usually already leading. She is mentoring colleagues, driving decisions, holding the strategy together when no one else is paying attention.

She is not waiting to become a leader. She is waiting for someone to tell her she already is one. No one is coming to tell her that. And every time she holds back in the room where decisions are being made, she makes the case for the organization to keep treating her like someone who is not ready.

Are you willing to stop waiting for permission to act like what you already are?

Leadership does not begin the day they promote you. It begins the day you stop waiting for them to.

About the Author

Dana L. Cox is an executive coach, TEDx speaker, and author of From Burnout to Badass. She is the founder of FIX Coaching & Consulting and creator of the Positioned to Paid™ framework, which helps high-achieving women move from invisible to unstoppable in their careers and lives. Learn more at danalcox.com.